I apologize in advance for not being able to buy this Jeter card for your birthday. This man wants lots of money that I will never have, and if I ever do have that kind of money I am going to run far, far away. Of course, you will be asked to go as well. With all the money we can buy a small parcel of land and fill it with cardboard boxes in our top secret location and write our blog from the underground.
Your best worst friend.