May 7, 2009

Dear Manny

Dear Manny,

Man, I know it must be rough. I couldn't believe it when Selena Robert found out the truth about me. But no one wanted to believe her. I guess that had something to do with her being a woman and, luckily for me, that always has a negative connotation in sports.

But let me give you advice, buddy. Here are the tips for getting through this thing:

1. When you finally sit down for that tell-all interview, go with Peter Gammons (even said on-air he believes you) and not Bob Costas. Gammons will give you cupcake questions and you'll never feel like your on the hot seat. Costas, on the other hand, asked the poor little Olympian about falling off the bar when her team needed her most. He's just cold, man.

2. Learn to run with your helmet on. If you have it pulled down low, the reporters can't see you. If you don't look at them, they'll have no idea you're there.

3. You don't need to tell the whole truth. Just the part you want everyone to believe. Then, when the rest of the truth comes out, make sure the reporter that finds out is one people will have a hard time trusting. I already got Selena, you need to find your own. Maybe Erin Andrews.

4. I already heard you said it was medication for a personal matter. You shoulda asked me first. I would have told you to say you didn't know what you were taking. You trusted the people around you. It worked for Barry and it worked for me. I'm coming back tomorrow and life is great.

Most of all, just want to say thanks. I'm probably going to come back to the Yankees on Friday and now people are looking at you more than me.

Too sweet.

Love and kisses,


  1. I said this earlier to my mom at lunch. A-Rod just got lucky, maybe this will take some heat off of him. Or maybe it will just make people ask him more questions.